It is time for African American women to totally and completely just MOVE ON. You absolutely must just MOVE ON. BW–Just expand your social circles and networks to the max and MOVE ON. Be the best that you can be and just MOVE ON. Stop allowing people to play mind tricks on you that waste your precious time, energy, and youth. Just MOVE ON. BW–STOP trying to get people to understand why you're leaving and just MOVE ON. Stop looking back and just MOVE ON. Stop thinking about what's back there.
Just MOVE ON. Yesterday is over, and there's no changing what happened yesterday, so just MOVE ON. BW–Free your mind and just MOVE ON. The quality of your life tomorrow depends on the quality of your decisions today. Just MOVE ON. PLEASE read KHADIJA'S blog about all of the mind tricks played on AA women and the myriad reasons why you need to just MOVE ON. If you want to free your mind, you absolutely must read her blog. And you'll feel freer by the second to just MOVE ON.
BTW, here's a young BW-IR SITE that is MUST-READING. Powerful writer and much critical thinking over there! Please check out her site, encourage her, comment, and show her some support. You can imagine the venom she's catching from the Ikes and Ikettes on her Youtube videos. I haven't had a chance to check out her video(s) yet.
Also please check out the Letters from Readers section here on the site. I still get a bunch of notes from readers and I love sharing them with you. I'd just fallen behind, so I'll catch up. Check it out because there's sometimes very useful info in some of the notes that can help you or a bw you love.
AA women are waking up. Any AA women who doesn't wake up will not survive. It's a life and death situation now; they may as well just wake up and decide to survive and thrive or else they may as well just dry up quietly because that fate is easily predictable for many of them. There is NO help on the way. Even President Obama is fighting for his own survival. Am I being melodramatic? Not hardly. We already see this happening all around us. Bw–Mate Out or Die Out! Stop trying to hold up the bc!
Okay, Thanks NK for these beautiful pics of Scenes from the Wedding of Monesha and Jonathan. CONGRATULATIONS to you both! Much Love and Happiness!
I'm a strong proponent of marriage for AA women, so I want to devote this particular essay to MARRIAGE–the benefits of it for women AND to men. Along with all of the deeply emotional, spiritual, and practical benefits I derive from marriage, I ENJOY being married! Marriage is a lot of FUN. LOL! I don't think people talk nearly enough about how gratifying it is to be in a committed partnership with a quality mate. I will post info below about many of the various benefits of marriage. Here's a LINK so you can read about this couple. Doesn't she looks like a young Condi Rice?
Please click to enlarge.
I also have another wedding to post either in this essay or the next one. Some bw have moved on or never got stuck to begin with. If a young bw starts early in her twenties, like I did and many other women do, positioning herself for marriage to a QUALITY man, and only mingling with quality men, there wouldn't be nearly as many of y'all who want to get married and aren't married. STOP listening to people who tell you that you have plenty of time or that you must only romantically mingle with men of a certain skin shade or ethnicity.
You are free to mingle and mate with any compatible QUALITY man, but you must vet him because all quality men are not compatible with you. And please make sure that he's the marrying kind. There are some men who are not the marrying kind. A man is much more likely to be the marrying kind if there are people close to him who are married or if he comes from the marrying kind of background. The probability is much higher with a man of that type.
Remember that 99.99% of life is a matter of probability. In your personal life, only spend time with people with whom there's a HIGH probability that they are in line with YOUR values and YOUR goals. These people tend to be more like minded. Put distance between yourself and anyone else.
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The below is a re-posted portion of an essay I did earlier this year re the Benefits of Marriage. After reading this, you will clearly see why homosexuals are pushing for the right to get married. Of course, I don't blame them AT ALL! The next time any person tells you that there's no point in getting married, point out to them that they're impoverishing themselves in numerous ways, and with the below information, you can actually cite details.
Also, as much as there is a decline in the U.S. among various races and ethnic groups marrying and an increase in those naysaying marriage, the vast majority of people in other groups are STILL trying to get married–both the women and the men. This is just common sense, no matter how it's looked at. There are SO many benefits–across the board–especially when you marry a QUALITY, compatible partner. One thing I know for sure is that there are very few AA women who can actually afford not to get married–but you must marry a QUALITY partner.
I have to keep "QUALITY" on the front burner because SO much depends on that. I want AA women to have Quality lives. I believe strongly in having a Quality life. Was it Dr. King who said: "It's not important how long you love; it's how well you live [that's important]." Living well is very important. Quality is one of my strongest values, so with every decision I make–with people, places, and things, I inject as much "quality" as possible.
Bw–Do NOT settle for less than a QUALITY mate, and what you consider a "quality" mate to be depends on your VALUES and station in life. So I can't exactly tell YOU who your quality mate is. My ideal quality man, for ex., may not be yours, but there are some basic criteria. Any quality man is going to spend a large chunk of his time preparing to provide and protect women and children or is already prepared to do so. This protection spans from the emotional to the practical realms and all points in between. I'm focusing here on NEEDS, not wants.
This doesn't mean that a man should be expected to meet ALL needs of women and children.This is why a variety of relationships are necessary. No one person should be expected to meet ALL needs, but basic protection and provisions are critical NEEDS that any man who is serious about a woman should offer. Safety/security are critical needs of women because women feel vulnerable a lot of the time. A lot of us women spend lots of time sharing notes on how to remain safe.
Therefore, an actual man understands that this is his major role, to make it a priority to keep his mate and children safe across the board. Higher-functioning men do the bulk of this protection with their brainpower. So the typical woman wants a man who is willing to do his utmost to provide for and protect her and any children they may have. Women, in general, do not respect men who don't do their utmost to provide and protect. A woman may pity a man and stay with a man who doesn't do this, but I can guarantee you that the respect is lacking. She may actually love him, but she will only respect him when she sees him making a strong effort to provide and protect on a continuous basis.
Regarding safety, for ex., I always notice the amount of interest both Darren (present husband) and my ex-husband (a Nigerian) took/take in the mundane aspects of my life. LOL! I'm a level-headed woman who can do many things, but these guys were/are very interested in my life. At first, I didn't quite understand exactly why they were so interested in some of the minutiae. I then realized that they do this to make sure that there is nothing looming that may harm me or the children. So there's frequently a quick check to ward off possible stressful things or dangers. If they detect anything that might pose stress or problems for me, they start right away working to mitigate it. That's one of those invisible aspects of the kinds of protection that my type of quality man provides. He's brainy and a forward thinker and can therefore prevent a variety of potential harm. More than likely, I intuitively chose men of this sort. You may not be interested in this type of Quality man. This is the type I prefer.
I think that most women already know what their basic criteria for a Quality man are, but definitely MANY AA women are directly and indirectly pressured–internally and externally–to settle for much less than they deserve. And then there are those women (and men) who overestimate or underestimate their Romantic Mate Value (RMV)–a topic I'll discuss in detail in another blog.
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A number of blog researchers provided the info below on the Benefits of Marriage. I THANK them AGAIN for the valuable service they provided.
Without further adieu, here are some of the most beneficial aspects of marriage. PLEASE SHARE THIS INFO WITH OTHERS!! "Knowledge is power" ONLY if you can get it in time and USE it.
#1 From BEVERLY:
Financial benefits of marriage:
http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/ObjectID/E0366844-7992-4018-B581C6AE9BF8B045/catID/F896EE61-B80C-4FE1-B1687AC0F07903BA/118/304/ART/
Marriage Rights and Benefits
Learn some of the legal and practical ways that getting married changes your life.
Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits — both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes:
Tax Benefits
* Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities.
* Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.
Estate Planning Benefits
* Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate.
* Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.
* Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.
* Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse — that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse’s behalf.
Government Benefits
* Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses.
* Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans.
* Receiving public assistance benefits.
Employment Benefits
* Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer.
* Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.
* Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.
* Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse’s close relatives dies.
Medical Benefits
* Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility.
* Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.
Death Benefits
* Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures.
* Making burial or other final arrangements.
Family Benefits
* Filing for stepparent or joint adoption.
* Applying for joint foster care rights.
* Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce.
* Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.
Housing Benefits
* Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only."
* Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse.
Consumer Benefits
* Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance.
* Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.
* Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.
Other Legal Benefits and Protections
* Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy).
* Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states).
* Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can’t force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage.
* Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime.
* Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse.
* Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family.
#2 –Felicia sent in a couple of MUST-READ articles re Social Security, pension, and other financial PENALTIES for unmarried bw. Read them in THIS Post in the "PONDERING" section.
#3– Sloane (sistrunkqueen) sent the following vital information about many of the SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, and HEALTH benefits of marriage.
by Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.
If you are currently married, divorced once or ten times, a career bachelor, or just contemplating marriage, this article might be of interest to you.
What is marriage? Marriage is the following:
The institution that legally, spiritually and culturally binds and recognizes man and woman as partners.
The most valued and beautiful of all human relationships and a fundamental social institution which is central to the nurture and raising of children.
It is the ‘social glue’ that reliably attaches fathers to children.
It contributes to the physical, emotional and economic health of men, women and children. A strong commitment to marriage is therefore fundamental to the health and stability of any home, community or nation.
What do Americans think about marriage? Studies indicate that having a happy marriage is one of the most important desires of Americans. However, more and more Americans are becoming less likely to marry or remain married. About 50% of American marriages end in divorce for multiple reasons, and some as vague as “irreconcilable differences”.
What are some general benefits of marriage? Health and family science researchers cite the following as benefits of marriage:
Marriage tends to improve the way people think about themselves, their spouse, others, and the future.
Husbands and wives are more likely to do unselfish things for each other and for their families than they would do if unmarried.
Individuals who are married are more responsible to their communities and the nation.
Individuals committed to one another in marriage can come home and find a place to understand each other deeply and redefine ways to fulfill their roles to themselves, their community and nation.
What are physical health benefits of Marriage?
Married people across cultures have better health than unmarried people.
Married individuals have lower rates of alcoholism than their unmarried counterparts because they tend to offer and receive encouragement, support, and protection from daily problems that could otherwise lead them to using alcohol and other drugs.
Married men and women have lower suicide rates than unmarried ones because married people have meaningful social networks of friends and relatives. Meaningful relationships give people a sense of personal value and a feeling of responsibility to others.
Married individuals have less illness, accidents, and murder; they are less likely to die from all causes, including heart disease, stroke, cancer, car accidents, and murder.
Married individuals spend less time in hospitals and have higher recovery rates.
Married individuals tend to have stronger immune systems, making them less likely to catch colds and develop other illnesses than unmarried ones.
What are the emotional health benefits of marriage?
Married individuals have the lowest rates of depressions and schizophrenias compared to the unmarried.
They tend to handle stress and anxiety better than their unmarried counterparts.
Marriage tends to make individuals to be more motivated to do well at work and to persevere through stressful situations.
Married persons are less likely to be lonely because they always have someone to share their thoughts, feelings, and lives with.
Married persons are more likely to report feeling hopeful, happy, and good about themselves.
Married couples have sex more often and enjoy it more physically and emotionally than their unmarried counterparts.
What are economic benefits of marriage?
Married couples have higher incomes than single men and women.
As a marriage endures, couples have more obligations to each other and tend to be more financially responsible, and more likely to save money. Example: a husband who is skilled at repairing things can save a lot of money for the family; same applies to a wife who is skilled at managing money.
It is important to remember that when marriage partners pool their physical, emotional and economic resources together, the marriage, the family, the community and nation benefits.
#4 KR provided the following article link regarding how those who divorce fare vs those who remain married in this ARTICLE, which underscores the value of marriage and the importance of both partners investing in the marital relationship in order to maintain the marriage.
Thanks so much, Beverly, Felicia, Sloane, and KR!! Well Done!!