Thanks ES for the link to this couple’s beautiful nuptials.
Lorraine and Will
CONGRATS! CONGRATS! CONGRATS! Wishing you all the best that life can bring!
(Photos by Cains Camera)
And I love what the blogger Chic Brown Brides is doing by showcasing these weddings and focusing on marriage matters.
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My 90-year old aunt had a large birthday party last weekend (Memorial Day weekend) down in Tennessee and Darren offered to drive me down to it. So, we went for a long weekend. Darren likes driving long distances; I don’t. But I love to
look at scenery along the way, as well as stop to explore crafts shops and eat in various restaurants and cafes, so it was a nice, short getaway. We both got to do what we like doing. He likes the eating part too. Lol
The party was a beautiful affair. So stirring in many ways. My other elderly aunt, who is 81 came up from Alabama along with other family members. An older cousin and his wife came from Nevada, so it was like a family reunion, with lots of grandkids, nieces, nephews and cousins, representing various generations.
Being among them took me way back to my childhood. Actually, I regressed somewhat to being a child again as my 81-year old aunt ordered me around. LOL! I didn’t mind at all. Love her!
Both of these women are college graduates; one even has a masters degree. I was overjoyed to be around them, or in the midst of plenty of common sense. They reminded me of how common sense and making sound choices pay off, over and over and in so many ways. They are both proof positive of that. They have both lived well because of the good decisions they made early in life.
I was raised by a village and these aunts were prominent members of that village, so I count them as some of my prime role models. At the birthday celebration, I got up and spoke about the profoundly positive impact these two aunts had on molding me into the woman I am today. Among many other things they did for me, one of them bought me a prom dress for my high school junior prom and the other one and my uncle paid my college tuition at the Univ. of TN for a few semesters.
I will be writing about what “It takes a village to raise a child” really means at my Intercultural Interracial Next Lane Living BLOG located at Eviamoore.com–-since that falls squarely under the heading of culture. Thanks bigtime to all of you who have listened to my first podcast, and signed up for my podcast newsletter as well as the one at my Vetting 365 site. I’m working on the next podcast, but a bunch of summer activities have jumped on my plate: vacation, my granddaughter’s birthday bash and a couple of other engagements here at the farm. However, I’ve lined up a few guests from other cultures for upcoming podcasts, so I now am so looking forward to having chats with them.
I consider it important to delve into “It takes a village. . . ” because so many people love to use that expression, but I suspect they define what it means in a very narrow, flat way. I can talk endlessly about the protection, guidance, security, and real love that comes to a child who is blessed to be raised partially by the village. I’m convinced that I received a much richer upbringing than I would have, had I been raised by my parents, alone, in the typical nuclear family.
One of my aunts is named after a flower and the other one was named after a rare gem. They got married in their twenties, as most women did in those days. They are both the epitome of butterflies that I talk about and write about. I’ve known these women all of my life. I have never seen them unkempt. They are always properly dressed when they go out or even at home. They would NEVER curse or say anything improper in the presence of men. LOL They have numerous euphemisms for those improper terms though. Their tongues would fall out before they’d ever use the f-word, b-word, or n-word–publicly! But they do use terms like heffas and hussies for women, and “no-good” for men. I never saw them behave unpleasantly or even act angry. They still smile a lot and always try to say something lighthearted or amusing, as southern women of their day were raised to do. I was the same way, until after I’d lived in NYC for a few years.
They chose hardworking, dedicated family-oriented men of character to marry, not cool men with swag-ugh, and there’ve always been men with swag-ugh in every generation. Some folks call them ‘bad boys.’ Though some women may toy around with bad boys, the vast majority of decent, sensible women will not have children by bad boys or men with swag-ugh because men of that sort almost always lack substance, character, and staying power. My aunts knew that a man who lacked substance and character didn’t have the right stuff to withstand the ups and downs of life. So did I. And life is hard for everybody. That was once considered just good ole common knowledge.
Here’s an ARTICLE that proves that most women (and men) of any group or race build up wealth through the institution of marriage. Reading it and the links it points to show clearly how the low rate lack of marriage to men on their level is having a devastating impact on American black women’s ability to acquire anywhere near a comparable level of wealth that their female peers in other groups attain. This presents generational poverty and other hardships for black American women and their children.
It’s all the more reason why it’s beyond confusing to me in 2015 why so many black American women do constant knee jerk jumps into their sista soldier uniforms and pump so much energy into protesting and fighting when the prime directive for women is to put their greatest energies towards securing a CQLL mate of any group and building a comfortable nest for themselves and any offspring they might have. That has not changed. An average marriage easily operates as a great wealth builder, a great investment. It can and does reap enormous returns, and this has already proven to be the case for many American black women, no matter the ethnic group or race of the men they married.
Both of my aunts women worked as school teachers for decades and lived with their husbands and children in large, sprawling, beautiful brick homes, in TN and AL. Both aunts retired fairly early. Their husbands are no longer alive, but my aunts and their husbands were able to build up enough wealth for these women to live out the entirety of their lives very comfortably and with various luxuries. They both own dozens of acres of land. Northern investors are interested in my AL aunt’s land. But she told me she wants to keep the land and her beautiful home for her children and grandchildren, and as a place for any of us family members to come and stay when we come home.
I was talking with one of the BWE readers and supporters the other day about my visit with my aunts and she said that my aunts would’ve found it almost impossible to find black men today, of the sort they married. I pointed out that if they hadn’t been able to find black men of character and substance, they wouldn’t have bothered to marry black men. They had college degrees. They would have NEVER married men who weren’t on their level who couldn’t or wouldn’t bring a lot to their table. That would have been a no-brainer for them. I know it’s hard for many younger black American women to believe, but black women in those days didn’t have the fetish for black men that so many younger black American women have today. When I’ve pointed out here that I don’t have a preference for any skin shade of man and that I instead have a preference only for a compatible, quality, loving, and lovable man, some black women cannot believe that. They think I’m just saying that, but I didn’t grow up with a fetish for black men mindset around me.
I grew up around women who sang the praises of good, solid, reliable men of substance and character, men who they could count on to have staying power, who could and would play the position of MEN in their lives. When I got ready to marry and raise a family, I looked for the same type of men. ONLY.
The fact that my first husband was an African and my second husband is white is interesting but it’s not a big deal to me. I chose to share my life with them because of who they are, beneath their skin. After all, there were black women in some states who married white men, even when Jim Crow was in its heyday.
We must never lose contact with the fact that our Creator made us all human, so no matter how ugly some humans are or may become in any time or space, the basic humanity of some people will always rise up and separate itself from the ugliness.
As we approach Loving Day, June 12th, we should all find a way to honor Mildred and Richard Loving–two supremely courageous people who rose above the ugliness and risked everything to defeat it.
Anyway, one of my aunts struggles with dementia, but the other one’s mind is just as sharp and vibrant as it has always been. Totally hilarious! She has such good money sense too! She sat there on Sunday, explaining to me the importance of having good home insurance and putting money away for a “rainy day.” At 81, she still puts money away for a rainy day. LOL
And the way she looked at me, I knew she was still teaching me. I listened with rapt attention, nodding my head. I know better than to interrupt my elders. LOL! But I agreed totally with everything she was saying. of course, I would–since she’s one of my role models, my teachers. Those lessons sank in a long time ago, when I was a child.
After that, my elder cousin and his wife from Nevada started up a discussion about which political party is best for the stock market. I listened silently to that too, marveling at the level of their talk, a level that is rarely if ever heard among the younger people I’m around these days.