Mr. & Mrs. Harris
Mrs. Harris TED Talking Just great!
For those who’ve wondered where I am and were considerate to write to inquire, I’ve been on vacation. I’ve been happily relaxing, working on my various crafts (like learning how to become proficient on my different knitting machines), and frolicking with my granddaughter–that is, whenever I dared to leave the house during these past frigid months to spend time with her. But finally, the thaw is on, for good, and that really lifts my spirits. I can’t wait to spend more time with her during the upcoming dreamy, warm spring weather. I already pulled out my roller blades and asked Darren to put air in my bike tires. I’ve scoured the internet for a bike for her, but I may have to get her a cart to hook onto my bike since she’s still months away from being 2 years old–and unable to ride a bike.
Darren? Well, he’s been anxious to plant potatoes but the ground is still frozen. So, that couldn’t happen in mid March as it usually does. Other than that, he’s winding down more and more on the number of hours he spends at work. I’m happy that he enjoys his job, but I think he wants to do something else now. We gave up our Philly apartment since we’ were rarely there any more. I haven’t even been to Philly since last July and he was only staying there a couple of nights a week, so it was really not a good use of the money.
Thanks CH for this pic of this young army family.
Anyway, I’ve been keeping an eye on certain events in the news (SMH), tracking certain trends, and thinking more about the direction I will take with my writing and online presence.
One thing I will comment on is that new FOX series starring Taraji Henson that’s creating so much hoopla because some critics say that all of the major stereotypical black characters are front and center in it. I haven’t seen it and would never watch it even if I could find the FOX network on my TV. LOL I also read where the show’s black defenders are claiming that black critics should be quiet so that at least black actors can get roles in that show and black viewers can see people who look like them on screen–even when they’re spreading poisonous images of blacks. SMH!
Well! That exactly the exact SAME argument used by some blacks to defend the performers and purveyors of violent, mysogynistic Hip Hop back in the late 1980s and 90s–when it all began. Some blacks stood up then to try to prevent it or curtail it, but other blacks defended the most mysogynistic Rap by saying that at least black men would be able to make a lot of money rapping and would then use the money to build manufacturing businesses in inner city neighborhoods that would employ other blacks, who could then marry and raise families. They also talked a lot about how rich rappers would then pour money into reconstructing inner city buildings and the neighborhoods where they grew up, and yadda yadda. Did that ever happen? Any sign of it happening???? The defenders of Hip Hop won.
So, this is all just deja vu to me. And I read where lots of black women are watching this show!!! I mean, when will y’all learn? Do y’all understand things like cause and effect? Well, guess what? Other networks are right now creating more shows exactly like that one because apparently the show is getting watched by a lot of blacks. Hollywood is a business; they’re NOT into social work. So they will create more and more of those shows that they will be beam to every corner of the globe and then they’ll show them again and again through the re-runs. I’m just saying, don’t blame the networks or the actors when those shows proliferate like roaches (like Hip Hop). Blame yourselves! Yeah YOU–if you’re a watcher of that show. And honestly, if I knew any black woman who is a watcher of that show, I would distance myself from her.
Okay . . . . I will continue writing since I’ve written from the time I was about 6. That’s just me. So, I’ll continue to do that along with my various other addictions–like my LOVE of crafts. Oh, I’ve promised Darren I’m not going to buy anymore crafting materials for a very long time. That made him SO happy. LOL!
So, what I mean is that I’ve been thinking more about what I WANT to focus on mostly, that I want to contribute since being of service to others is something I enjoy and is also a part of my faith. Still dabbling with the idea of podcasting. These days, I think a lot about what I know might enhance my granddaughter’s life as well as what she might find to be valuable when she comes of age. Naturally, she will be a critical thinker. LOL!
I also recall what Dr. Barbara Sizemore, former academician and political activist, said: “First comes culture; next comes concerted economic strength, then comes political power.”
With great detail and citing many examples from history and current events, she taught that! She showed how no group has skipped any of these steps; it’s not possible to skip any step or do them out of order and rise, and without a core of common, shared cultural ideals, the bulk of people in a group are never going to use their money in concert. I think Dr. Sizemore’s message has stuck with me because: (1) she taught it so well, (2) my great interest in culture, and (3) I’ve seen how Black Americans as a group keep finding themselves back at Square 1, falling into the abyss, no matter how much money many individuals in the group have and no matter how many black American politicians land in office. And (4), her message saved me a lot of time I may have been tempted to waste in magical thinking.
Black Americans have willfully skipped the first step: Culture.
Black Americans no longer have a culture to which the bulk of them subscribe–unlike in pre Civil Rights days when they had no choice but to abide by the rules of the over-arching black culture. However, I’m not romanticizing the pre-Civil Rights black American culture. It had major flaws and even land mines like putrid colorism and domestic violence. I mean it was just common for some black women to get beaten regularly by their husbands as a way to make women “obey” and at the same time, this terrorized some of the other women who knew this was going on, so they tip toed around. It would have been considered a certified mental illness in those days for a black woman to call law enforcement on her husband because a man, after all, was the “king of his castle.” That was the unspoken agreement between white law enforcement and black men. White males extended that right or “privilege” to black males. I guess they saw it as just a “man thing” or that men had to stick together. There would have been no way it could have become such a standard practice among blacks without general white male approval.
And naturally, no wife’s money that she earned or inherited was actually hers; it all belonged to her husband.
I could cite a few other examples from those wonderful pre-feminism days for those black women I read of online who poo-poo “white women’s” feminism. I REALLY wish I could send y’all back to pre-feminism days. Considering some of the things some of you say OUT LOUD or in public spaces these days, y’all would be getting your behinds beaten by men on the regular. Remember that anytime ANY man didn’t like something a woman said, he could just punch her lights out and say she said something “stupid.” Generally, other men understood or said nothing. A man could decide at any time that a woman was being “disrespectful” and needed a whipping, and if she didn’t have another man (father, brother, granddad, male cousin, etc.) to protect her, she got hit or whipped or otherwise put in “her place”–IF the man wanted to do so. Some men were humane human beings and didn’t do that, but some of them were not. Trust me. A LOT of women (of all groups) got hit or beaten A LOT.
So, I THANK white women for using their white privileges to launch and sustain the feminist movement, and I THANK the black women architects in it too–some of whom (like Alice Walker, Ntozake Shange, etc.) were penalized by other blacks for being a part of or supporting the “white women’s feminist” movement. Unlike white women feminists, black women feminists didn’t get much support from other black women–either then or now. And I also THANK the well-meaning men who took part in the feminist movement and who stood up for human rights for women.
Re pre-Civil Rights black culture, there were many aspects to it–some were so wonderful and some were vile. I took the best, as best I could, and tossed the rest, as I always advise. That was the culture that shaped many of my standards, ideals, values, behaviors, vision, etc. which have guided and sustained me to this day. I was uplifted by those “best practices” and they still carry me on their wings. I am grateful!
But here’s the very best part. Not only did that culture do well by me, it enabled me to acquire the values and outfitted me with the attitudes, skills, to feel at ease and mesh well with others, to become a good partner and parent, to know how to relate to my mate well, to know how to contribute to raising my sons well in order to give them a good send off in life.
As I’ve stated many times before, I have always had a fascination with different cultures and specifically the powerful impact of those cultures on shaping the thought system, ideals, standards, norms, values, and behavior of the large numbers of people who embrace or subscribe to most of the ways of a particular culture. So, throughout my life, I’ve always been an observer and a journalist-curator of the practices of various cultures and traditions–those that I’ve lived in as well as those I observed, and learned of through my readings. So, I’ve looked forward to focusing on curating what I consider to be the “best” or the most effective, advantageous cultural practices that various cultures have devised for getting the bulk of their people from point A to point Z. That’s what a culture does. A well-functioning culture consists of tens/hundreds of thousands of bits and pieces of interactions that work tongue in groove toward meeting its peoples’ major needs and many minor ones.
When a culture is able to meet most of the KEY or most vital needs of the majority of its people, it is a well-functioning culture; when it doesn’t do that, it is a malfunctioning culture. Though hobbled by virulent racism, black American culture used to be a fairly well-functioning culture and we know that by the many upright people it produced.
When some people think of the concept of “culture,” they think of music, art, clothing, literature, language, dance, foods, religion, etc. Those are only cultural exhibits. Those are not the critical seeds or the essential fruits of that culture. Those are manifestations or outgrowths of a particular culture; NOT the culture itself.
For ex., I mentioned before that my ex-husband, an Igbo man, named our first granddaughter “Ada.” (That’s ONE of her names–LOL.) However, an American woman asked me, “Why would he give her such an old-fashioned, European name?” The fact is that “Ada” is an Igbo name for a female that means “first daughter” in the Igbo language and the historical record shows that the Igbos have been on earth for longer than the Europeans. The name provides info. It is not just two syllables stuck together. It informs anyone that she is my son’s oldest daughter.
Most indigenous African names have significant meanings that inform or speak to roles, character, events, distinct sentiments, etc. Various other cultures are similar. The Igbo name Ada also signifies that since she’s the first daughter, an important part of her role or purpose is to safeguard the interests of her father or her husband or do what she can to keep harm away from them. Embedded in her name is a part of her purpose for coming to this world. So, we can see how her name speaks to her and shines a light on one of her paths in life. Her name joins her to her father in ways, aside from the biological.
Of course, many Igbo girls with that name don’t safeguard their dads at all or don’t exactly do it, some have no idea what their name means, but I’m citing this as an example of the thought system of that particular culture. Many of them do know their language and culture. And when you think about it, it’s a lovely sentiment. She will know she’s supposed to look out for her dad. Her name, alone, will have an impact on their relationship because in her case, we will make sure that she understands much about her cultural roots.
When a typical person from this part of the world hears that name though, they think of an elderly woman from a predominantly Euro culture. LOL! So many people in this part of the world are so mono-cultural. Most have been Europeanized to the extent that they can only view life through the Euro lens. I’ve met some whites who are extremely diverse because they understand the value of that. Likewise, I’ve met blacks who value diversity but some do not, at all. Let’s face it though–MOST Americans are not diverse and have no interest in true diversity. I’m not talking about just visiting another country, eating ethnic foods, or putting ethnic art pieces on the shelves. That doesn’t make anyone diverse. When you’ve been exposed to, lived in, experienced and appreciated various cultures, as I have, and made it a point to do that, you are able to dynamically view the world and its events through various lens at all times. Very enriching. It’s like having 6 eyes instead of 2.
So on this Ezine, when I’ve urged black women to take advantage of all of their marriage options, I’ve done that from my position as someone who has lived a culturally diverse life. I can only see life clearly through a culturally diverse lens. Any other lens, to me, is blurry and defies my common sense.
All along, I’ve exalted MARRIAGE as one of those absolute best cultural practices that all cultures have promoted for thousands of years and used to advance the best interests of men, women, children and all of society’s interests. That will never change. There will be changes in the shape of marriage; those people who decide not to marry and conduct their lives inside an averagely good marriage will not be pressured nearly as much to marry or remain married, but they are simply not going to be as well off or advance or evolve (in various ways) at nearly the same rate as those who do. So, despite all of its warts, marriage has proven to be one of those best, most effective or advantageous cultural practices. Nitpickers will of course cite horrible examples of marriages that bombed, but that only means that nothing is absolute. There are always exceptions to every rule. But I’d say it would be smart to bet on cultural practices that have withstood the test of time and proven to be more effective at enhancing our lives in various ways and for thousands of years.
So, I will continue to exalt marriage and urge others to learn the relationship skills to create and sustain an averagely good marriage as a KEY “best cultural practice” that is not only a basic building block and functions as a big part of the glue inside any society, but it also lifts the individual boat of most people in all societies. This is why governments promote marriage and provide various perks to those who go that route and remain there. More marriages mean a higher levels of productivity, safety, happiness, harmony and success in society overall. I, for one, love the idea of my tax dollars providing benefits to married people. Marriage, of course, is a type of committed relationship that has different names and different shapes in different parts of the world, but typical adults understand what a committed relationship is and what it’s not.
Just maybe in my next post, I plan (but won’t promise) to begin writing about effective child-rearing–another critical “best cultural practice.” Yes, parents can and do raise black children of both genders successfully in the USA, children who are respectful, well liked, do well in school, are well adjusted, have good values, morals, and who grow up to be productive adults in society–even if some people don’t like them.
I have a few other projects I must complete, but hopefully, I’ll be able at that time to put the opening portion of my successful child-rearing manual on my new site. I’ll say for sure now that the overwhelming bulk of my future writing will be for sale since as of this year, I’m returning to publishing and therefore incorporating the major portion of what I write in publications.